you start dating, you move in together … and then it seems to startgoing in the wrong direction.Again.Before you label your significant other as “not the one”, remember that some changesare normal and just inevitable.
1. You won’t always be on the same side. Even if you make all important decisions unanimously, sooner or later there will come a time when you won’t agree on something that really matters. The key here is not to get angry with your soul mate and try to find a way out of this situation together. Remember there is no problem that two of you can’t solve together and don’t let it set you apart. In fact, engaging in conflicts that you resolve together and boosting that skill is good for a healthy relationship. Ignoring the problems is what’s more likely to put an end to it, says NYC-based Michael Batshaw, author and internationally recognized relationship expert.
2. Love can’t survive on its’ own. People often forget that “love” isn’t just a noun, it’s also a verb of action. Both of you have to take this action, day by day, to make your relationship work. Remember that beautiful rose in “Beauty and the Beast” that was dying without love and care and only a true and selfless feeling could save it? Think of your relationship about the same way and water it regularly with patience, acceptance, little surprise for your significant other and simply being there for them, no matter what! Have you experienced any of these moments in your relationship?
3. You will feel lonely sometimes. It might seem that a relationship, and especially a marriage, is the opposite of loneliness, but that’s not really true. Occasionally you’ll feel lonely, and it might seem to you that nobody knows you and nobody cares about you. Well, this type of thinking is perfectly normal if it comes to you from time to time and it doesn’t mean that your marriage is a disaster or that your partner isn’t giving you enough love.
4. Sometimes you’ll be bored together. Have you noticed how couples in all those romantic movies do everything together and never ever get bored from each other? Well, not everything you see on a large screen is true. In real life, reading a book or meeting up with friends might be more interesting than an evening together with your spouse. It doesn’t mean there is a distance between you. Just give each other a break when you need it, and soon you will have fun together again. Dr. Holly Richmond, marriage & family therapist, explains spending time apart and doing your own thing is important to get that spark you felt in the very beginning again. Your partner had their own life before you, and it made them the person you fell in love with, after all? So let yourself miss them just a bit and then catch up on all the adventures you both had.
5. Marriage and children are not a decision – they are a challenge. Many people mistakenly believe that marriage will make their relationship stronger or that children can bridge a gap between spouses. However, both marriage and parenthood are really tough challenges, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You will learn to be a good partner and parent, just like you once learned to ride a bicycle. Yes, you fell off it a few times, but it got much better later, right?
6. You will have strange thoughts. “Should I get divorced?” Could I’ve been more happy with someone else?” Such thoughts may come to even the happiest of couples. People often think about these things at night or when they are alone. best things you can do,you just ignore such thoughts. Anxiety and intrusive thought experts Dr. Martin Seif and Dr. Sally Winston compare unwanted thoughts to junk rolling through your brain. They are perfectly normal elements of the stream of consciousness and if you don’t pay attention to them they’ll simply get washed away.
7. You won’t be attracted to each other forever. A relationship is wildly passionate only in the beginning. In 2003, American and European researchers decided to find out exactly how long passion lives for. They interviewed an impressive amount of 1,761 people who got married and stayed together over 15 years and found out that passion lives, on average, for 2 years. When it goes away, the love life becomes calmer. Sometimes this can become a problem. But it’s important to remember it’s perfectly normal and it doesn’t mean you were not meant to be. Quite often, the honeymoon period comes back after a few years when you enter some new phase of life.
8. You will lose connection from time to time. When you love someone, you feel like you were meant to be, and you, your destiny, and your heart are all connected to the person you love. That connection gets so strong you can read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences. It gives you butterflies in the stomach, but sometimes, all of a sudden, this connection seems to disappear. Remember it’s perfectly normal, so you don’t have to worry about it. We all have bad days at work spoiled by deadlines and little annoying episodes like a flat tire. From time to time, we all get physically sick. So the best thing you can do is wait for the storm to be over and let the butterflies back in.
9. Trust is extremely fragile. According to a 2017 Stanford University study, 70 percent of unmarried couples break up within the first year of their relationship. The reasons for this vary from couple to couple, of course. It could be different values and life goals, financial issues, but more often than not it has to do with lack of trust. Any expert will tell you all relationships are based on trust, and sometimes it might seem very solid. But, this is a very deceptive and dangerous feeling because the trust between spouses can be broken very quickly and easily. A suspicious 2 am phone call from someone named Nancy or that time you agreed to spend the weekend together but he suddenly had to change plans with no explanation. It all starts with a little trigger and then it becomes almost impossible to glue your trust back together.So if you don’t want your relationship to break like your grandma’s favorite vase, make sure you work on maintaining trust in it.It’s not just about always telling the truth, even though it’s an obvious thing. It’s also about listening and actually caring, resolving conflicts in an adult way, matchingyour words with actions, and letting the other person feel they can always rely on you nomatter what.
10. You will hurt each other. Here’s one particularly rough truth you have to accept: nobody can hurt you more than the person you love. You take his or her words to heart more than anybody else’s. In the center of a struggle, your partner may also hit you where it hurts the most. Deborah South Richardson, a psychology professor at Georgia Regents University, has been studying interpersonal aggression since 1974. She classifies hurtful words as direct aggression along with yelling, hitting, confrontations and concluded people show it more often toward siblings and significant others. She suggests it can be seen as one of the signs of a really stable relationship. When you believe the other person won’t break the bond with you no matter what, you allow yourself a little more than you would otherwise. So, it’s simple: you will hurt each other. The most important thing is to deal with the problems when they appear, not when it’s too late.